What will Christmas bring this year?

Everywhere I look people are shopping and getting into the Xmas mood! Everywhere I go I here Xmas carols and see lovely decorations......Yes, it always used to give me a warm feeling n my heart!
.....But this year........it's a bit different...I'm scared...I'm fighting old demons and trying to stay positive and tell myself that history will not repeat itself. This year was the most difficult, exciting, saddest, happiest year of my life....I don't ever want to go back.
Yes, we've come a long way, but everything is so very clear in my head. Xmass was the happiest day of my life last year, and in only two days after that all was taken away........
I look at the Xmas tree and think....there should have been a pressie for my LO....there should have been a LO sleeping safe and sound in his/her little bed.........
Instead, I'm fighting nightmares and bitterness.......I've lost so much, and feel that I now have to fight to get all that back again........
Please Lord, let this Christmas only bring me joy and happiness, let this Christmas wipe out all the hurt, the bad memories and bitterness that my thoughts have glued around it.......Let Christmas be a happy day again!