One down!

So had my 4th lap done yesterday and all went well. I was soooo scared of going in, the thought of getting anymore bad news was just terrifying. And evertyhing was new this time, new Dr, new hospital, new everything. But in the end all turned out good, Dr V took out alot of scarring, tubes clean, uterus clean and about no endo...yay for that! Bad news is that my ovaries look like a 45year old woman - dried prunes as he said it. As we already know, the real challenge will be to get a real good egg or two, the nest is ready...just bring on the eggies!

I'm just so glad that it's over and done with, and my hubby stood by me, supported and pampered me every step of the way! For the first time on this journey I really feel that we are together in this, for the first time he wants this as bad as I want it. For the first time I can just relax and follow his lead.....love it, love him!

I don't think "other" couples get it, you know, couples not on the IF road. They will never get what this thing can do to your marriage. In the beginning it's all fun and games, practise as they say.....but month after month, year after year with BFN's aren't so much fun anymore. Days are counted and everything is on hold until day12 -16, whether you in the mood or not...then no sex thereafter, cause just say I'm preggies, don't want to risk loosing the pregnancy......You just wake up one day, and realise that you've lost that something special, you've become so opsessed with having a baby that you forgot the reason why you started this thing in the first place....I almost lost my best friend, or rather yes, I did loose my best friend for a little while.....and the day I realised this, that was the saddest day of my life. We were lost for a little while.....

But we found each other again, lots and lots of haertache later, lots of tears, anger, bitterness and then............ forgiveness......We did it - we found each other again! Yes, I want children, but I want the world to see what true love looks like, I want YOUR baby, I want a family WITH you! I love the way you touch me, I love the way you look at me, I love the way we make love and NEVER EVER want to loose that again. Children or no children, I always want you by my side and as I promised to love you, I also promised that I will never ever leave you behind again.....never!!!